Big News: I’ve Decided to Become God
Yep, that’s right. I’m starting my own religion. Step one: hire a press agent. Step two: write some new scriptures. Step three: gather a following. If history is anything to go by, this should be a breeze.
Now, obviously I won’t be doing miracles—people might expect proof. That’s messy. Better to keep it mysterious and vaguely threatening. Surveillance? Absolutely. (Though if I were really God, I’d know hearts already. But hey, I’m just in this for the power.)
Doubt me? That’s pride. Disagree? Judgment! You and your family are doomed. Not following fast enough? Sorry, offer expires soon. No second chances.
Honestly, I’m feeling pretty powerful already. This is going to be great.
…
Wait.
Someone already did this?
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