How to Help transitioning cult members.
- Leaving a cult is a hard task
Only someone who has belonged to a cult can appreciate how difficult it is to leave. Leaving can involve disillusionment and questioning the unquestionable. It means fear, confusion, guilt, grief, sorrow, and self-doubt. They lose friends and family, and are rejected as an apostate. It is not for the faint hearted. Yet God can provide the strength for the struggle.
- Ex-cult members should anticipate struggle
A person deciding to leave a cult should anticipate the emotional struggles common to leaving a cult. Leaving is an emotional and draining time. They may experience depression and intermittent anger. They may pass through all the traditional stages of grief associated with a death. Once misled by the cult, they may have significant trust issues. The disruption of their worldview creates emotional turmoil that is bewildering. The ex-cultist may fear that they have made a major error. They may dread that they have left God and are lost forever. At other times they may have a feeling of nostalgia for some things that are associated with the cult. They may even feel that their new setting does not offer the certainty of the cult. It is a tumultuous time. During this turmoil they may fear that they are losing their minds or that something unusual has afflicted them. Being freed from a cult involves a major change in self-understanding and worldview. The process of transitioning out of a cult and into Christianity takes years. Some studies have shown it can take three to eleven years to get life back to normal.
- How can believers help?
Those who have left a cult need help and support. They need an environment where there is no judgment of their struggles nor the amount of time it takes to get through the process. And while they do need help, it is important they not become dependent upon us. They need to make their own decisions and learn how to correctly evaluate Scripture on their own. They must learn to make sound life decisions. Rather than being controlled, they need to learn that a believer is guided by their conscience and their desire to walk with Christ. It may beneficial for the ex-cultist to meet weekly for an extended time with a mature Christian. This would provide an opportunity to discuss concerns and disappointments.
The ex-Cultist should be encouraged to read scripture and meditate daily. It will be helpful for them to participate in Bible studies and support groups. It is important to have close friends so issues can be discussed. If the ex-Cultist is to be spiritually whole, they need to be emotionally whole. This means they will require more than theological discussions or analysis of the facts to that point. They need a safe place to evaluate their experiences and feelings while they develop an understanding of what brought them to the cult and why they are leaving.
Often, they have lost their family and community of friends. After undergoing these loses they are also trying to make a good impression on their new friends and community. They may fear that others are watching and judging them as they go through this transition. They may fear that if people see that they have depression or anxiety they will be considered inadequate and incompetent. This fear may prevent them from sharing their struggles freely and honestly and could keep them from receiving the help that they need. In many ways, the ex-Cultist belongs to two worlds, harboring cherished cult beliefs but seeking to walk into Christianity. It is a hard transition. Because of this the ex-Cultist should avoid the Cult group’s activities and materials.
- Dealing With Lack of Purpose
Because the cult has supplied a sense of purpose, the transition may leave the ex-Cultist feeling like they have a lack of purpose. Believing friends and a new church can be a source of purpose. Opportunities to do lay ministry or serve in the church can be explored. The gospel itself can provide believers with purpose and significance.
- Dealing with Grief
When the ex-Cultist is struggling with grief over the losses that have been incurred and when depression has been an issue, a support group or a friend can be invaluable. Close loving relationships are critical for this time. Periodically, when feelings of anger and guilt that arise, the same support is important. Having close friends diminishes alienation and provides a sense of normalcy.
- Dealing with Altered Thought Processes
A close Christian friend can help restore perspective and avoid unhelpful thought patterns. Individuals coming out of a cult background often tend to think in concrete, black and white, thought patterns. There is little grey. These thought patterns should be brought to their attention and evaluated to see if a change is indicated. Another common thought pattern is the over-spiritualization of everything. Anything bad thing that happens is an indication that God is angry and that a mistake was made by leaving the group. All the events life events, large and small, become messages to them. This can lead to anxieties that make it difficult to make decisions. There can also be self-doubt from having embraced a belief system filled with error and deception. Self-doubt causes a reluctance to trust self-judgement and make decisions. A good friend or support group can encourage self-confidence.
It may be helpful to think about this transition in stages.
7.) Stage One
During the first stage of exiting, the cultist is investigating Christianity and finalizing the decision to leave the cult. At this time, believers can help by providing the information needed by the cultist to assess their journey. During this stage, it is not beneficial for those working with the cultist to be overly harsh about the cult group. The cultist will still have some affection and loyalty towards the group and direct attacks may produce resistance. It is better to ask appropriate questions and provide Christian faith-based answers. Then together, the cultist and the believer can re-evaluate the situation, evaluate stressors and reinterpret things so that they make sense. This helps the cultist to see a way forward. During this time, the cultist will experience painful realizations that much of the teaching their life was built on was in error. They will also see that the cult discourages serious evaluation of their beliefs and history. When the cultist begins to evaluate the cult, they will discover that the group uses the threat of loss of love and loss of acceptance as an initial barrier to serious evaluation. The cult teaches that there is only truth in the group. The cultist is cautioned not to go outside of the group because everything else is false and the ex-Cultist will lose future hope. The cult portrays the ex-cultists re-evaluation of their ministry as sin and a loss of holiness. Because the ex-cultists sense of self-identity has been strongly tied to the group, it is traumatic to break away from the past. As a result, there is the need for support and information. This can be provided by believers as the cultist commits to transition.
- Stage Two
During the next stage, when the ex-Cultist moves forward with the decision to leave the group permanently, a process of grieving begins. The ex-Cultist will need a close Christian friend or a support group to help pass through this time of loss and loneliness. They may need to develop an understanding of the new post-Cultist world. Theological discussions need to take place, bereavement discussions need to be had and a sense of purpose needs to be reimaged. The gospel also needs to be explored as the ex-Cultist needs to understand the all-sufficient love of Jesus. As they pass through the process of leaving the cult and their former worldview they will need empathy, compassion and understanding.
- Stage Three
Across time, a third stage will occur, and there will be a lessening of thoughts about the cult group. Healing will take place. Unfortunately, it can take years to be fully free of thoughts and obsessions about the group. Mentors and a support group are needed to provide support during that process. It helps the ex-cultist to know and anticipate that the transition will take an extended time. Many ex-cultists believe the transition will be very quick and do not appreciate the time or trauma involved. It could take as little as three years or as long as eleven years. Those supporting the ex-cultist must let them know that their friends understand the difficulties they will pass through. Their friends know that the transition may be a lengthy process and that is okay. They will be there.
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